When Sara Ramirez sang “Grace” last night on Grey’s Anatomy a deep, heartbroken hurt erupted from my soul and I wept uncontrollably, not for Callie, but for Denny. After Denny died in season two I turned off my tv and didn’t turn it on again all summer except to watch the World Cup. I was in shock. “Chasing Cars” would play in the store and I would literally double over in pain. When September rolled around I decided to look online to see if others were as affected by this fictitious man’s death and found a forum full of grieving fans. To this day I still don’t know why I feel the way I feel. The emotions are as raw as ever. I’ve become a bit more immune to “Chasing Cars” due to overexposure. But not to Kate Havnevik’s “Grace”. I’d forgotten how much MerDer sex is in this scene. But I’m immediately crying rivers of tears with the first shot of Denny. It’s the first time I’ve seen this since ‘06. I’m posting it, but I won’t watch it again. Maybe I like the rawness, the heartbreak. Maybe I’m holding on to it as tight as I possibly can. Maybe the hurt feels so good. Maybe I don’t want to lose that.
